


The Truth Told

by Allie0963



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Bisexual Jennifer "JJ" Jareau, Break Up, Coming Out, Emily Prentiss is very gay, Episode: s03e17 In Heat, F/F, Gay Panic, JJ almost has a panic attack, JJ breaks up with Will, Kissing, Lesbian Emily Prentiss, Panic Attacks, as she should
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:55:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28253508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allie0963/pseuds/Allie0963
Summary: JJ struggles to hold herself together after she confronts Will about their relationship and she turns to Emily for her support.Or... My take on what should have happened in s3 e17, In Heat.
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss, Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/William LaMontagne Jr.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 123





	The Truth Told

**Author's Note:**

> I did use some of the dialogue from the actual episode, and that, along with the characters, are the only things in this story that I do not own. 
> 
> Also it breaks me every time to see how sad Emily looks when JJ kisses Will... so I’ve fixed that. Here is what should have gone down that night. I hope you enjoy it.

JJ rubbed her eyes. There wasn’t enough coffee in the world to make up for the amount of sleep she’d lost over the past few days. Maybe tonight she could get a few solid hours of down time before someone was brutally murdered again. 

She felt a pit forming in her stomach (that wasn’t just from the absence of food) when she spotted a certain southern detective talking on the phone. She knew she had to say something, but her tongue didn’t feel like it could form the right words. 

“Hey,” she mumbled, slowly approaching him from behind, attempting to slow down her pounding heart. 

Will smiled at her. “Sure is warm in the bayou, but at least it cools down some at night.” He eyed the bag resting on JJ’s shoulder. “What? Are you leaving?” 

JJ wanted to tell him to stop speaking in cursive. She’d liked his accent at first, but she was so tired it was difficult for her to piece together his slurred words. “Yeah,” she sighed. “I’m beat.” 

“Without saying goodbye?” 

She felt a sudden pang of guilt. She had wanted to avoid him, but here she was, talking to him anyway. “I didn’t know where you were,” she attempted, looking shamefully at the ground. 

“Did you look?” Will scoffed, taking a moment to study JJ’s expression. “Should I be worried? I mean, it doesn’t take a profiler to see you got one foot out the door in this relationship.” 

It didn’t even feel like a relationship to JJ: seeing each other twice a week, sleeping together only because she felt like it was her obligation to make up for living 1000 miles away. He had almost described it perfectly. She had been on the verge of running, halfway out the door, but it was such a rude thing to do. She couldn’t just _leave_ him like that; she needed proof, an explanation as to why it wasn’t working. 

“Could you please just keep your voice down?” hissed JJ, her mind reeling, still trying to find something that wouldn’t make her sound like a complete bitch. She glanced towards the building, worried one of her teammates would emerge and end up witnessing this unnecessary, yet inevitable fight. 

“I don’t care if they hear us,” snapped Will. He looked between JJ and the entrance of the building. “Hey, yo! I’m crazy about her!” 

JJ cringed, feeling her face flush red. She cared a whole hell of a lot more than Will did about what others thought. Will didn’t have to see her friends 12 hours a day, or deal with their pressing questions about her weekly disappearances and seemingly lacking personal life. 

“You know,” Will continued. “I don’t have a problem with people knowing about it.” 

“Well I do!” 

“Why?” 

JJ rolled her eyes. “Just because, alright? It’s my business.” 

What she really wanted to express was her frustration that this just didn’t feel _right_ . There was no other way to put it, no words to describe what she was feeling. Will wouldn’t understand it, she was sure of that. Take her present predicament: he didn’t care about her anxiety surrounding the fact that her coworkers were about to discover her _personal_ life, that was personal for a reason. 

“Are you ashamed of this?” Will asked, glaring at her. 

JJ sighed. “No.” _Yes_. She was ashamed that she had stayed with someone who barely understood her. Who barely knew her. 

“Did I offend you?” 

“No.” _Clearly._

“I say something wrong?” 

JJ almost screamed. _I say something wrong_ ? “No.” _Yeah. You did._ Maybe it was the fact he just didn’t give a crap about how she felt. He never bothered to address her constant anxiety, and went on like nothing happened. The first time they’d slept together, he had ignored that she practically cried herself to sleep afterwards because she was just so damn _confused_ about how she felt. 

“You seeing another guy?” 

Her jaw dropped open. “No!” That was the truth. The first _no_ that actually echoed some sincerity. 

“You want to see another guy?” 

She looked at him incredulously, wondering how his first concern at her withdrawal had been that she might be cheating. “No.” _No. I want to see a girl, at least I think I do, but you’ve confused me. I’ve confused myself._

“You want to break up?”

 _Well, finally_ ! “Y- Yes.” She wanted to leave it there. She didn’t want to explain her emotions (like he would have understood, anyway), but it’s just not the right thing to do. You don’t break up with someone (is this really even a break up?) without telling them why. The only problem was that she didn’t really have a _why_. At least, she didn’t have one that she could tell him.

“Y- you do?” 

She felt a wave of guilt, shame, and relief. The hurt in his voice made her instantly regret saying that, until she realized this was the reason she kept getting herself hurt: she cared too much about other people, even if they didn’t care about her. “Yeah,” she reiterated, feeling that she owed some other explanation. “We’re supposed to hop on a plane every weekend for forever?” she attempted. “And neither one of us is willing to relocate, so-” 

“When did we have that discussion?” Will snapped, not really sure what to think of all this. There wasn’t another guy, so then what the hell was this? 

“Well, do you?” JJ asked. _No, dammit, you’re supposed to leave him! That was good enough. 1000 miles is good enough to say it isn’t working!_

“Maybe,” answered Will. It was all going wrong again. She just wanted him to agree, for once, that this wasn’t working. It would be better if they weren’t together. She can’t do relationships with this job, she could tell him that. It was partially true, but then why did she want one so damn bad? Just not with Will. 

“You want to give up your career in New Orleans so you can live in Quantico, Virginia?”

Will sighed. “Well, I'd at least like to have that option. You know, look, JJ, all I'm looking for here is an acknowledgement to your friends that you care about me.”

 _But I don’t even care about you, not like that_ , JJ wanted to say. _You’d see that if you were so wrapped up in getting what you want_. 

“Why?” she snapped, feeling her patience running thin. He hadn’t gotten the message, it was time to drop being nice. Screw what he thought, she figured. He had 12 months to start thinking about how she felt. His time is up. “Why is that so important to you?” 

Maybe she would have felt more compelled to consider him as an option if he hadn’t always been so blind-sighted. Or maybe she would have considered him if her heart wasn’t wrapped up in somebody else. Somebody that wasn’t quite so… manly. 

“Why?” Will repeated incredulously. “Have a good night, JJ.”

She had been the one who wanted to break up, yet it still hurt when he walked away like that. “Will,” she started, the attempt to apologize dying on her tongue. 

She didn’t know what to say, or do, for that matter. Yes, she had wanted to break up. Their distance was reason enough and she felt too obligated to tell him the truth, but she couldn’t.

She couldn’t explain that he’d been a distraction at first because she was confused about who she liked. She couldn’t explain that after a while she thought she could pull off actually having a working relationship. She couldn’t explain that she started to regret it, when she noticed his absolute ignorance towards her feelings. She couldn’t explain that now, when she’d finally admitted the truth to herself, she was still torn, trying to make a decision that she couldn’t make on her own. 

It was so confusing, even for herself, that she knew trying to put it into words would just make everything worse. JJ rubbed her watery eyes, mind reeling, turning back to today’s bigger issue: the case. 

“Oh my god,” she whispered to herself. She wasn’t a profiler, but she’d just make a pretty profiler-like connection. She turned around, her tired legs carrying her back inside the building to where Hotch was pouring over files.

“I thought you left,” he said monotonously, without looking up. 

JJ inhaled shakily, ignoring his statement. “You said in the profile that the unsub was targeting gay males, possibly due to his struggles with his own sexuality, right?” She looked towards her boss hoping, praying, that he wouldn’t realize the reason she’d come to the sudden epiphany. 

“Right.”

“Well,” she continued, “what if the reason Luvet let his guard down was because he could finally be who he is? No judgments, no fear. What if the unsub is seeing a freedom in his victims that he wishes he had himself?” 

Hotch finally turned to look at JJ. Maybe he saw something in the way she nervously bit her lip, or averted eye contact, or shifted her feet in an attempt to back away, but he certainly didn’t say anything about it. 

“That would be an intelligent assumption to make,” he decided. “I’ll have the team look into that possibility tomorrow. Go back to the hotel and some rest.” 

JJ nodded, turning on her heel. 

“That’s an order, JJ,” he called after her. 

“I know, sir.” 

She pushed open the heavy doors and exhaled a breath of relief when she re-entered the humid Florida air, but the moment of peace only lasted for a moment before her bottled up emotions started chewing away at her sanity. 

The walk to the hotel wasn’t far, only down the block, and as much as she usually appreciated some alone time, her spinning thoughts weren’t doing her any good. She sped up, just wanting to get somewhere safe, enclosed, and in the company of another human being. A human being that offered her _actual_ support. 

. . .

And that’s the story of how Jennifer Jareau ended up knocking on her colleague’s door at 1:43 in the morning, arms shaking, eyes watering, mere seconds from the beginning of a panic attack that so rarely hit during cases like these. 

“JJ?” Emily asked, pulling her door open, slightly confused (that was an understatement, she was _very_ confused) as to why her friend was knocking on her door this late at night. 

“Can- can I come in, Emily?” JJ’s eyes said more than her words had. They were dull, teary, and frankly looked frightened. 

“Yeah, yeah of course.” Emily stepped to the side, allowing the blonde agent to enter her room. “Is everything alright?” She looked to the younger woman, trying to analyze what emotions were paralyzing her. She took her arm gently. “Why don’t you sit down...” Emily led her to the couch pressed into the corner of the hotel room. JJ collapsed into it and dropped her bag near her feet. The room fell into a moment of silence, the only noise being the whirring air conditioner, which Emily had set as cold as it would go. 

“Do you need to talk about something?” the brunette finally asked, not wanting to make any assumptions about why JJ had come to her. 

“Yeah,” JJ mumbled, not looking up to meet Emily’s eye, a last effort to keep herself together. Her hands were twisting together, fidgeting. She was anxious, deduced Emily. She was averting eye contact and blinking rapidly... emotional, guilty, hiding something. 

“JJ,” Emily whispered, taking her hand gently, but only for a moment, not wanting the contact to seem forced or unnecessary. “Say something. You’re scaring me.” 

The blonde dropped her head into her hands, trying to keep a flood of tears at bay. She sat back up and glanced at Emily, and a rush of embarrassment flushed her face a deep crimson color. “I- I don’t know what to say, Em.” 

Emily studied JJ for a moment longer. “You knocked on my door having something to say, didn’t you?” Her words came across harsher than intended, although only comfort was laced within them. 

“Yes… no… I don't really know.” JJ pressed her palms against her eyes, angrily wiping away tears that had begun to flow down her cheeks. The nervous pit in her stomach had seemingly expanded. She was shaky, barely holding herself still. She sucked in another breath, feeling her ability to remain calm wearing down, as if the heat and her exhaustion had worn away her composed, presentable, emotionless, FBI-agent-self. “It’s hard… to breathe,” she muttered, hands moving to press against her tightening chest. 

_What the hell is going on_? Emily thought, watching her friend fearfully. “JJ,” she tested. “JJ, look at me. You’ve got to calm down.” Emily could tell JJ was losing control of whatever sanity she was clinging to when she stumbled through the door. “Jen, take a deep breath,” Emily pleaded. 

The brunette abandoned her verbal attempts to calm her friend and shifted from her position, moving next to the blonde agent, pulling her against her chest. “Listen to my breathing,” she instructed, hoping the action would help calm JJ’s erratic nature, and for a moment, it did. JJ quickly pulled away, pressing herself into the furthest corner of the couch, fear, and what Emily read to be embarrassment, stricken across her face. 

“Jayje, I-” Emily paused, knowing that displaying her own confusion and panic wasn’t going to help JJ express her feelings at all. “Jennifer, talk to me, please. I want to help you.” She did. She really did want to help JJ, but her stomach had twisted into a pit of confusion. Why had JJ come to her, of all people? And what the hell had happened to her?

The older agent reached her arm out, squeezing JJ’s shoulder gently, giving her time to formulate a response as she continued to calm her breathing. 

“Is it about the case?” Emily tested, although she doubted that to be the root of the problem. Sure, JJ had had her fair share of emotional days, but they usually revolved around children and women that appeared strikingly similar to the blonde; not gay men. 

JJ her head. “Look, I’m sorry… I just freaked out and I didn’t-” 

“JJ, don’t apologize,” interrupted Emily. “It’s okay to have bad days.” 

“Try 360 bad days,” JJ grumbled before she could stop herself. Without any background knowledge, she realized that sounded a lot worse than it actually was, and she noted her mistake when Emily froze, face stricken with concern. “Oh, no, no, not that like, Em.” JJ drew her knees into her chest, leaning her head forward. “Um…” 

“Will talking about it help?” Emily asked, not really sure if her question made sense in the context of JJ’s problem. 

“I… I guess so,” sighed JJ. “Where do I start?” JJ’s teary blue eyes finally lingered on Emily’s for more than a second. She was looking for guidance, Emily realized, but the brunette wasn’t sure what she had to offer. 

“What did you mean by 360 bad days?” she prompted, although she had a hunch. After all, she was a profiler, yet in the past 10 minutes, her ability to read emotions had frozen. 

“I- I um.” JJ licked her lips. “I was in a relationship?” Her phrase came out as a question. Had it really been a relationship? She was so adamant about hiding it and denying its existence. That’s what had caused this whole mess anyway. 

“Was?” 

“We broke up.” JJ shrugged. 

“Oh. I’m sorry,” Emily rubbed JJ’s knee softly. 

“I broke up with him,” JJ murmured, feeling more tears begin to prick behind her eyes. “And I don’t know why, well, I do, but-” 

“JJ,” interrupted Emily. “Slow down.”

“What?” 

“I don’t know anything about your situation,” she whispered softly. “I can’t read your mind.” 

“Oh, come on,” scoffed the blonde. “You have to know. You’re a profiler.” 

“I don’t want to assume-” 

“Just assume, already, please,” begged JJ. She leaned her head back against the couch, taking in a few deep breaths, waiting for Emily to fill in the blanks herself. 

Emily cleared her throat before murmuring, “Will?” 

JJ nodded. “A thousand miles is good enough, right? It’s a good enough reason to break up with someone.” 

The older agent gently took JJ’s hand. “Of course, sweetheart. Long distance doesn’t work for everyone.” The term of endearment slipped out with her attempt to comfort her friend, but it seemed JJ didn’t mind. If anything, she relaxed a little, her tense shoulders dropping. 

The room fell into silence again. Emily stared at JJ, and JJ stared at the floor, too embarrassed to meet her friend’s eye. “Was that the _only_ reason it wasn’t working? Emily finally asked, already knowing the answer. 

“No.” JJ’s voice was small, maybe even a little broken. “It- it didn’t feel like a relationship.” 

Emily waited patiently, knowing it was difficult to find words you didn’t want to use. 

“I didn’t _want_ it to feel like a relationship,” she corrected.

“Why?” 

“It really wasn’t... I just felt so... pressured, you know?” JJ shifted nervously again. “And he- he couldn’t read people like you can, and- and he didn’t care about how I felt.” 

“Oh- Jayje.” 

“And I was using him as a distraction because I was confused- I am confused- and I think that I like someone else, a lot, but I’m not really sure-” 

“JJ,” Emily interrupted, watching her best friend carefully. Her eyes had grown panicked again as she rushed through her sentences, fighting to get the words out. 

Her admission hung heavy in the air. _I like someone else_ . She had said it. She had _actually_ said it. She’d bottled it up for so long and now... it was out. 

“What were you confused about?” Emily asked. It wasn’t exactly the best question to ask, and she was fairly sure she knew what, but she asked anyway. 

JJ’s breath froze in her chest. “I... um... I-” Tears were leaking down her face again, and the brunette quickly noticed. 

“Oh, hon, it’s fine,” she said. “I think I know.” 

JJ started crying harder, and her reaction to Emily’s statement affirmed her suspicion about what, exactly, the blonde was oh-so-confused about. 

“Jen,” she whispered softly, trying to come across as lovingly as possible. “Do you... do you not like guys?” 

A fearful, teary, gaze met Emily’s chocolate eyes. “I don’t know,” she admitted.

Emily squeezed her knee gently. “You know that’s perfectly okay, right?” 

JJ shook her head. “It doesn’t _feel_ right,” she whispered. “I just... I’ve felt _confused_ and I shouldn’t be because this is something you’re supposed to know by college.” 

“It’s okay to not know, Jayje.” Emily felt a pang of sympathy. She knew the hazy, confusion of not who you are- the kind that made you despise yourself, the kind that made you do stupid things just so you’d fit in. 

JJ dropped her head into her hands with a heavy sigh “It’s so _fucking_ confusing! Why couldn’t I just be normal?”

Emily blinked in surprise at JJ’s aggressive tone. She didn’t have time to respond before the blonde continued, “all they wanted was a _normal_ , straight, healthy girl, and instead they got a fucked up, gay daughter.” 

Emily winced, not because she felt bad (which she did) or because she was angry, but because JJ’s statement was all too relatable. “I know how you feel.” 

“Really?” scoffed JJ. “Is that your attempt at being empathic?”

Emily ignored her comment and scooted closer to her, taking her hand. “My mother is an ambassador. Of course she would want a normal daughter. I couldn’t ruin her perfect reputation, right?” Emily gave JJ a humorous nudge and the blonde smiled sadly. “I came out to her 20 years ago and she _still_ tries to set me up with guys.” 

JJ’s eyes lit up as she looked towards Emily, struck by a momentary wisp of hope. “You...” 

“Did Garcia _really_ not tell you?” Emily asked, feigning surprise. 

“I mean... she... no.” JJ looked disappointed and excited all at the same time and in Emily’s mind, the phrase _I think I like someone else_ slowly began to click into place. 

“Well, she may not be the best at keeping secrets but I know why she kept mine,” Emily mumbled. JJ felt her heart rate spike. Emily was looking at her with a gaze that was filled with much more than what meets the eye. 

“Why did she?” JJ asked, Emily’s soft stare causing a warmth to spread through her chest. 

God, Emily hoped she’d read into JJ’s words in the right way. She bit her lower lip, not bothering to answer the question, before she leaned forward, and connected her mouth with JJ’s. The blonde froze, simply sitting there as Emily kissed her. It was hot and wet, probably because JJ had been crying, but it was still incredibly arousing. Emily’s fingers tangled in blonde hair, pulling them closer to each other. 

When Emily pulled away, panting for breath, JJ still didn’t move. Her fingers brushed her kiss-swollen lips and she stared at Emily with wide, teary eyes. 

“Did I break you?” teased Emily, a little embarrassed herself as she tucked a loose strand of blonde hair behind JJ’s left ear. 

JJ took another deep breath. “I- oh my god... Em...” she trailed off, at a loss for words, her body’s physical reaction to what had just occurred masking her ability to speak. 

“Shh,” Emily whispered, pulling the smaller woman into a tight hug as a means of both drawing their bodies closer together and comforting JJ. 

“You knew?” JJ asked quietly. 

“I knew.”

“How long?” 

Emily smirked. “10 minutes.” 

A small laugh escaped the blonde and she turned to the side, kissing Emily again. “God, why are you _so_ perfect?” 

“You gonna be okay?” Emily asked. 

JJ looked at her pulled away slightly and asked a silent question with the confusion painted across her face. . 

“Oh, come on, Jayje,” scoffed Emily, “you spent the last 30 minutes hyperventilating and crying, I’m a little concerned.” 

JJ smiled, although her eyes were still sad, and her fingers were twisting together anxiously. “I’m okay,” she said. “I think that you made me feel a lot better.” 

Emily’s face heated up, as she was still unsure of the split-second decision she’d made to make out with JJ, but she smiled appreciatively anyways. “I’m glad I could help you,” she whispered. “And that you trusted me enough to come here tonight.” 

“I think Hotch knows,” JJ commented offhandedly.

“About...” Emily trailed off, unable to gather enough from the context of JJ’s statement. 

JJ let out a nervous giggle. “Me not being... straight, you know?” 

Emily rolled her eyes, but quickly realized JJ wasn’t kidding. “How the _hell_ would Hotch know? You were in a _very_ heterosexual relationship until about an hour ago.” 

JJ looked away from Emily. She still wasn’t entirely comfortable with the fact that she’d broken up with Will, and that she had acknowledged that she _wasn’t_ straight. “I... uh, went to talk to him.” 

Emily’s brow furrowed. “Why?” she laughed. 

“About the case,” JJ shrugged. “I said something about how the unsub was struggling with his own sexuality and there’s no way Hotch _didn’t_ read into it.” 

“It’s fine, Jayje,” Emily said. “I’m pretty sure you’re the last person any of us expected to not be straight.” That probably wasn’t the best thing to say to someone who wasn’t comfortable with their sexuality, but it was true. Frankly, Emily had not been expecting JJ to admit what she had, although, now that she thought about it, the stolen glances at her, and other women, and the quick excuses to leave any time the word “gay” came up in a conversation made a little more sense. 

“Emily?” JJ asked. “Do you think we can try _this_?” She was still holding Emily’s hand, shaking a little, and the brunette was hyper aware of her anxiousness. 

Emily raised her eyebrows, prompting JJ to say more. 

“Us?” JJ breathed as she squeezed Emily’s hand. “Because I _really_ like you, Emily.”

“I _really_ like you, too, Jennifer.” 

JJ smiled and kissed Emily again, holding her tightly as their lips melded together, warm breath passing between their mouths. She’d finally found someone who would listen to her; who would care about her, and she wasn’t going to let go. 


End file.
